You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
