Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
did you just send me my own nude
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
