We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
