I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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