I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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