he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
