Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
