sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
