omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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