I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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