it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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