I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
