dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
