My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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