Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
