We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
