Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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