I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
third nipple confirmed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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