There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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