I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
