i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I need a burrito and a hug.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
