i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
