He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
