So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think people are normalizing furries
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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