3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
