I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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