you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
