How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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