You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
