The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
