apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
