This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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