Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
