I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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