i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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