I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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