Do you still have your period?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
