So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
