You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
