i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
