hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
