walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
