Kareoke will never be a sober sport
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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