Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
