plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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