matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
