The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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