his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
