Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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