I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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