Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
