You made me cry and you don't even care
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
